The night I met my husband Matt, I almost scared him away over a conversation about dance. It was 2009 in Manhattan. We were at a bar, Butterfield 8, where we met through a mutual friend. After showing off his best Lady Gaga Poker Face moves, Matt said, “So I hear you’re a dancer.” I snapped back at him, guns-a-blazin’, “I used to be a dancer. I’m not anymore.” I got so defensive and I had no idea why. Poor fella, he was just trying to make conversation. But his statement poked at something deeply painful: the recently acquired belief that my dancing days were over. Thankfully, Matt stuck around. But the sad notion that I was no longer a dancer also stuck with me for many years.
Looking back, I can see why I allowed myself to accept this belief. My life situation had drastically changed, which it does for many of us in our early twenties. I was a year out of college and only sporadically taking dance classes. My new focus was on becoming independent in a brand new city, and working 60+ hour weeks at an accounting firm. This was a complete lifestyle shift. Having grown up dancing intensely with my studio’s ballet company and being part of my University’s dance team, I had been accustomed to dancing all the time. But now dance rehearsals were replaced with long hours at a stressful job. I had slammed the breaks on my dance life, and I was having a hard time adjusting to the idea that I wasn’t a dancer anymore.
It took me almost 9 years to reverse this belief and realize that I am still a dancer, regardless of my age and life changes.
However, every so often this old belief creeps in, and I think others may struggle with it as well. I recently saw a social media post of an adult dance class. The caption read “All former dancers!” My guns blazed again. I wanted to yell out “They are still dancers!” These women were moving and shaking and turning. They were not former dancers. They were dancers. Period.
The simple passage of time and adding of years to our age does not mean we are no longer dancers. Not dancing for an extended period of time does not negate our passion or years of training. Being an adult does not mean we want to stop learning, growing and pushing ourselves.
In fact, I believe the opposite is true. As we mature in our bodies, minds and emotions, we have the potential to become better than ever. We begin to let go of old thoughts that have held us back. We begin to care less (in the best way) of how we look and what others think. We know ourselves more deeply, and this makes us better artists, better dancers.
So if you feel that your dancing days are behind you, I challenge you to question that feeling. Just because you feel it or think it does not make it true. Combat that false statement and tell yourself you ARE a dancer. I’m serious: look in the mirror, say it out loud, write it in your journal. “I am a dancer.” Find a place in your dance community that welcomes adults and pours the same energy into them as traditional studios give to their younger students. If you are in the New Jersey/Pennsylvania/Delaware area, we welcome you to join us. And if there isn’t a studio near you that does that, create your own class or group.
Because, you are still a dancer.
written by: Jenny De Tore, Founder of Powerhouse
@jennydetore @powerhousedancesj